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Association of Polytheist Traditions

The Streets of Croydon

Or the P.F. Recruitment Song

copyleft by Matt Kiesling et al. 2003
(to the tune of that bloody awful Ralph McTell thing, 'Streets of London' says Matt)

Have you seen the Roman in his tunic and his toga,
Muttering a language that no-one comprehends.
It's all just a bit obscure, and to be frank, it's quite a bore,
But I'll just stand here listening, I don't want to offend.

Cho: But how can you tell me, he's pa-a-gan,
When he don't obey the threefold law.
Let me take you by the hand, I'll lead you to the Federation,
They have open rituals that aren't such a chore.

There's a bunch of Heathens with their mead-horns and their battle- axes,
Boasting to each other and trying to get wrecked,
They're picky about sources and they don't run proper courses,
They're arrogant, elitist and politically incorrect.

So how can you tell me they're pa-a-gans,
When they don't call the quarters four,
Let me take you by the hand, I'll lead you to the Federation,
They have the Principles to show these types the door.

I saw a Zorro-something, she lit a pretty bonfire,
And threw some herbs upon it so the smell was very strong,
They say this stuff is pretty old, and Middle-Eastern I've been told,
But 'cause she missed three elements I think that's prob'ly wrong.

So how can you tell that it's a pa-a-gan,
When all she did was light some flames,
Let me take you by the hand, I'll lead you to the Federation,
They'll help you learn to say the Goddess' many names.

I saw a Kazakh shaman, in his embroidered dressing gown,
Dispensing sour milk which made me run to the latrines,
He doesn't even play a drum and I think that is pretty dumb,
He talks of sacrificing goats and I think that's really mean.

So how can you tell me he's a pa-a-gan,
When he didn't do a spiral dance,
Let me take you by the hand, I'll lead you to the Federation,
They'll sell you tapes to help you get into your trance.

Then I saw a woman with a hooded cloak and staff in hand
People singing round her as she sat on a high chair
She said she'd journey into hel, she'd meet the old folks there as well
We didn't get to follow and I didn't think that fair

But how can you tell me they're pa-agan
If they don't know we're all reborn
Let me take you by the hand and lead you to the Federation
We'll 'Meet the Ancestors' through reading Pagan Dawn

Some Celtic Reconstructionists took me to their ritual
They raised toasts to their ancestors who lay long in their tombs,
But as it was on Samhain Eve, their lack of respect made me leave,
There wasn't any pumpkins and there wasn't any brooms.

So how can you tell me they're all pa-a-gans,
All Celts were Druids, don't they see...
Let me take you by the hand, I'll lead you to the Federation,
Once you've read their literature, you'll end up just like me.